i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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