Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
