it wasn't lemon gatorade
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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