Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
zippers are such a cool invention
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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