She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
