I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
