yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
