this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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