he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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