OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
