It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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