I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
