you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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