I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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