walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
