Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
