he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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