i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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