The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
