Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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