Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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