Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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