I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
