I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
