you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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