1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
