Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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