Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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