I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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