8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
