I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
