I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
