she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
