I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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