So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
