when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize