My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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