i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
