That's intense
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
