I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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