its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
