So many bounce houses so little time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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