I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
