I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
