Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
