i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
