Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
