The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
