Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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