omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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