Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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