I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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