After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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