Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
