Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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