Already got asked if we're dating
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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