this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
